Girls & Sex: Navigating the Complicated New Landscape

“Boys run afoul of dress codes when they flout authority: ‘hippies’ defying the establishment, ‘thugs’ in saggy pants. For girls, the issue is sex. Enforcing modesty is considered a way both to protect and to contain young women’s sexuality; and they, by association, are charged with controlling young men’s.”

This quote refers to school dress codes. Orenstein points to the fact that girls’ dress codes invariably concern sex. Attention is brought to any girls’ clothing that conveys sexual availability. The argument schools tend to use is that clothing that suggests sexuality distracts other students. Meanwhile, Orenstein argues, no one cracks down on the constant, small aggressions—comments, harassment, and nonconsensual touching—that happen when a girl does choose sexy clothing. That’s the real distraction, not the clothes.

“As concerned as I am about the policing of girls’ sexuality through clothing, I also worry about the incessant drumbeat of self-objectification: the pressure on young women to reduce their worth to their bodies and to see those bodies as a collection of parts that exist for others’ pleasure; to continuously monitor their appearance; to perform rather than to feel sensuality.”

Orenstein supports the argument that schools should not police girls’ clothing to keep them from dressing in ways that might be considered “sexy.” However, girls’ internalization of their objectification isn’t helpful either. They should dress how they would like, but it’s concerning that they so often feel better about themselves when they dress in ways that intentionally attract sexual attention.

“[H]ypersexualization is ubiquitous, so visible as to be nearly invisible: it is the water in which girls swim, the air they breathe. Whatever else they might be—athletes, artists, scientists, musicians, newscasters, politicians—they learn that they must, as a female, first and foremost project sex appeal.”

Girls wind up sexualized, no matter the activity. While boys are recognized for their skills and talents, girls will almost always be acknowledged for their sex appeal alongside or above their actual accomplishments. Orenstein includes examples, such as when girls are catcalled while playing sports or when girls at a highly competitive academic camp are rated by boys according to who the boys want to have sex with.